Drag Racing

I’m a daydreamer and often zone out. But there have been a few times where I have been so into my own little world that my friends cannot get my attention by yelling, shaking, or shoving me. I freeze up and am absorbed into my mind. I remember having horrible dream-like things and thinking it’s only a nightmare. I do frequently space out and find it hard to get back into reality. I have frequent nightmares and feel sore and wake up in weird positions after sleeping sometimes. Like I had been that way for a while. I don’t like our reality. I wish that our world was more exiting and often dream about what is would be like. When I was about three I had a imaginary friend. I swore that I could see and hear him like everyone else

I often have racing thoughts and it seems that I am thinking about two things at once inside my mind. I also have a really weird feeling that someone else is inside my head and can hear what I’m thinking. I can’t help but say sorry to myself after I think of something bad or curse in my mind. I often smell things and ask other people "what’s that smell?" and they look at me like I’m crazy and tell me there is no smell. I often hear a weird ringing. My senses are VERY sensitive and are overwhelmed easily. Smells become intense if there are too many people or things in one area, I have to ask people to lower their voices because they sound too loud to me, I can’t stand most flavors unless they are sweet or sour (I can stand almost any sour thing. It’s weird.), and I can see veranda 5 size font at about three feet away printed on a sheet of paper and read it clearly. It’s not as fun as it sounds. It gets very annoying and often causes me to go hide away in my room (or as my parents call it, my "cave" because of how dark it is and how I always go hide in there)

I have a history of a visual learning disorder and currently have depression, ADHD, and anger management problems. I hear that those can cause schizophrenia.

I have a weird feeling that I’m always being watched and hide my real personality. I seem cheery and very talkative but I hate being around a lot of people, have trust issues, and don’t like to talk very much. I often lock myself away in my room and read, write, draw, or day-dream and yell at my parents if they come in to make me spend time with people instead of isolating myself. I don’t think I’m crazy but I’m thinking "what if…?"

If anyone needs to know I am thirteen years old. I was born in October 1996. I am not aware of any other family members having Catatonic schizophrenia. Am I crazy or am I just entering puberty?
Oh, and I have a hard time remembering things. It’s odd because I am a gifted student but I’m doing poorly in school. My FCAT (Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test) scores always look much higher than my grades in school.

I also was entered in a TIP program about half a year ago and was able to take the SATs early. I recently got the results back and I would have passed everything with a decent score if I was a senior in high school.

I do go to a therapist. I have had a few traumatic years in my past and am still struggling in a battle with depression. I still have scars on my arms and they won’t fade from when I was stupid and broken enough to harm myself. That was about the time I started to sometimes hear screams. Not as often now, but sometimes when I’m alone I hear screaming. I can’t talk about it with people I know because I’m scared of them calling me insane and dragging me to an asylum.

Although I have been curious on what it is like to live in an asylum I would not like to be there any longer other than to get information to satisfy my curiosity and get realistic information for the fantasy book I am writing (Yeah, it’s fantasy but I like to keep my writing truthful when it comes to history and modern places)

Could it be some other type of schizophrenia?

I often feel that I don’t really feel anything. I laugh, smile, get angry, or sad. But I still feel hollow. I have a bad habit on munching on something when I get nervous or feel emotionless. It’s hard to stop that habit when you are both Italian and French (plus when you have family from many other places famous for their food). Note that I am not fat, just a bit chubby. I deal with me hearing screams and feeling hollow in a bad way. I have stopped cutting myself after my parents, friends, therapist, and school found out. But I still harm myself with scratches or hurting myself with an elastic band. Sometimes I burn myself and claim it was on accident.
I don’t know why it feels okay to ask this on here. I assume that it is because I know that I don’t know the people seeing this question and that they can’t take me away somewhere.
If anyone needs any other information please let me know. I don’t respond by e-mail very often.

I suggest you seeing a Psychologist and/or a Psychiatrist. I don’t think that just therapy is enough. Your description sounds similar to schizophrenia, but not entirely on the dot. You may have more than one mental disorder. (E.g. ADHD often goes with Bipolar Disorder). I’m no Psychologist so I can’t diagnose you.

I just want to tell you that you aren’t crazy, and you aren’t any less of a person if you do have more than one diagnosis. You do need to get some help so you can stop hurting yourself, maybe more help than just a therapist. Good luck, and I hope I helped at all.