Is this a good start to a fantasy novel?
A few days ago, I posted this question and got some great feedback, and I was inspired to edit what I had posted. This is the result:
A bitter wind tore at Eliath’s motionless body. Freezing rain poured down on his miserable world, and a little bit of his sanity was lost with each raindrop that fell from his face.
Eliath had been locked up in the stocks for three days now. His mind was lost in a bizarre place somewhere between dreams and reality. Strange thoughts raced through his head as his sanity slipped further and further away.
Suddenly, he felt something elusive. It was more tangible than an emotion, but it was not a physical perception. Eliath was instantly intrigued by this strange feeling.
It was subtle at first, like a distant candle flame flickering in the dark. As time dragged on, the feeling became more intense. Eliath’s dreams faded away as his mind was overwhelmed by the strange feeling.
Something compelled him to open his eyes, as though he would be able to see the feeling. What he saw instead was a pair of feet sheltered in leather wrappings. Struggling to raise his head, Eliath saw that these feet belonged to an old man in a hooded black cloak.
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Does it look like this still needs editing? Do you think this has the potential to be a successful published work? Also, if anybody wants to work with me individually on this, please leave me some contact information either in your reply or at void2722@yahoo.com. I have a really interesting plot that is completely unlike anything I have ever seen before. Thanks.
I know this isn’t the answer you want, but Yahoo! Answers isn’t the best place for a review of your writing. You don’t know how valuable anybody on here’s opinion is. A better idea would be to find a friend who reads the same type of books as you and ask them what they think of it. You know you’ll be able to trust their opinion and they will also know what type of novel you plan it to be. Or you could find a writer’s workshop in your area…
If you really want an opinion however, I thinkyou are too wrapped up in the language and making it sound good to remember the story. ex "suddenly, he felt something elusive" nothing is elusive there but your writing and "Freezing rain poured down on his miserable world" is generally not good
The paragraphs are also very small, in writing you generally want varied lenghs of paragraphs. The third and fourth paragraphs would be stronger combined.
Good luck on the story 
and just so you know, I do workshops all of the time in my creative writing class, so I have experience critiquing work, not that you have to act upon my suggestions.
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